Get Angry

I haven’t written a blog post for 6 months. I just can’t. I’ve all but given up.

How do you write about those annoying Christmas elves or the struggles of your kids tripling your grocery bill in the summer when you want to actually punch a wall? 

I’ve quit writing my blog because, pardon my French, I’m too pissed.

How can I sit and even attempt to write whimsical, lighthearted banter when the USA is burning to the ground.

How can I write about the absurdity of arguing with your kids about leaving empty brownie boxes in the cabinet when there are little children being taken care of by 8-year-olds or 9-year-olds who don’t have enough soap, food, or medical care? Traumatized children with the flu who are scared and sick and need their parents? Children who haven’t even showered in three weeks and are hungry?

For months and months, there have been separated American families at odds over politics, in two separate worlds across the dinner table.

Now there are families literally separated-children in cages, living in unsanitary, unspeakable, dangerous conditions reminiscent of concentration camps.

If we can put a man on the moon, then surely these politicians can come off their golf courses and come together and fix this. Maybe we need an army of mothers.

I will never apologize for feeling. I will never apologize for being angry, and I will never apologize for raging against injustice, even if it’s in a stupid little insignificant mommy blog. 

If you are expecting politics in this you won’t get it. There are people who are always going to believe *this*and others who will always believe *that* and nothing you suggest, scream, verify, or prove is going to change their minds. There are people who will pass along inaccurate information, and when they are unequivocally shown it is false, they will dig their heels in and will pass it on with even more vigor. People will shock you, disappoint you, irritate you, and make your eyes roll so completely into the back of your head that you wonder If you will ever see straight again. 

You will see people who might at one time have worn a “WWJD” bracelet do and now say the exact opposite of anything Jesus ever did or said. 

You will realize that people you thought had hearts of gold actually couldn’t care less. You will see people with their masks removed. You will see someone whose Facebook bio says they feel blessed, call another person a “piece of $@@@“ because he dared to have a different opinion. You will see the absolute holy grail of hypocrisy all dressed up like people you thought you knew.

But take a deep breath. They are not your people.

Politics used to be invigorating, informative, interesting and even fun to debate at times.

But not anymore. 

I do know one thing. If we can’t all agree-ALL of us-black, white, male, female, rich, poor, republican, democrat- that children not able to bathe, sick, with no medical care, suffering physically and psychologically on the watch of the good old U.S. of A. isn’t a horrific, humanitarian crisis that needs to be fixed NOW...then we are lost for good. 

We hear all the time, what would Jesus do? 

There was no bigger protector of children than Jesus.

Don’t ever apologize for anger at injustice. Anger leads to action.

*The link below contains good information and ways to help, including contacting representatives and different ways to donate (at the end of the article.)

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.mother.ly/5-powerful-ways-we-can-help-detained-immigrant-children-today-2638957686.amp.html

Another place to give is...

https://togetherrising.org/

Learning in the Dark

I have made it no secret my disgust for Trump. At times I have railed against him out loud, admonishing his behavior,  character, and treatment of others knowing that to be silent is to be complicit. At other times I have been utterly disgusted and ejected myself from the political arena knowing my opinions of what type of person he is won’t change the opinion of those who like what they see in Trump. I haven’t gone back to writing for a long time. Why? I have been so angry with everything swirling around us. So it’s shocking for me to realize and to even acknowledge that in some ways I should actually be thankful for Trump. Stay with me here. I guess there truly is a silver lining in pretty much everything, because though it sounds crazy, in ways he has made me a better person.

*With every lie he has told, it has made me value honesty, people who are honest, and has made me evaluate what true honesty is.

*Watching his horrific treatment of others has made me think outside of my own cushy world, empathize with others who I rarely considered, and want to try to do more in my one dance through this world.

*Watching Trump’s behavior and watching others’ responses to him has made me deeply evaluate what I feel a true Christian is and how a true Christian acts and responds to the world.

*He has made me realize how much hate and anger there are in this world, and how much more love and kindness is needed.

*He has reminded me how much words matter, how intensely words can lift others or diminish them, and reminded me how much words can have lifelong effects.

*He has made me re-evaluate how important free thinking, intellectual questioning, and thoughtful consideration are. He has highlighted how easy it is to get caught up in something and to follow the crowd, and how we must always be diligent while monitoring our actions and how they affect others.

*He has allowed me to watch the many players in the public eye responding to him over the past couple of years which has served as a reminder how many times doing the right thing will cause you strife, extreme anxiety, and may cause you to have to give up important things you have worked for in your life. But in the end, you will walk away with your dignity, your honor, and your ability to sleep peacefully at night. Nothing else is worth that.

*I have discovered that sometimes you have wonderful things in common with people whom you would never expect, and sadly vice versa.

*He has made me realize that people will show you who they really are if you pay attention.

*And finally, he has made me realize that not only do I not want to be even remotely close to who Trump is or what he stands for, but also that I want to strive to be an even better version of myself.

2018

2018 goals...

~SLEEP MORE, because NO other aspect of my life will go smoothly if I don't get enough sleep. I will be irritable and cranky, won't make healthy food choices, won't feel well, won't exercise, and won't be productive or be who I was created to be.

LAUGH MORE, because life is tough, and if I can't laugh, then I am in trouble. Sometimes laughing is the life preserver in the rough undercurrent.

PAUSE MORE, because pausing before I act is never a mistake. If I want to confront a situation, waiting to respond is never regretted but impulsively acting almost always is.

SAY "NO" MORE, because life is too short to waste time doing things I don't really care about. I should spend my spare time doing things that mean something to me and fulfill my  purpose. If I say yes to things I really don't want to do, I will be resentful and unhappy. People who truly care about me will understand this.

FOLLOW MY PASSION MORE, because those things that excite me and inspire me are my calling. Not only that, but pursuing them will make me truly happy. I am never truly happy unless I am using my creativity. Not being creative, in my own unique way, will cause me anxiety. 

GIVE MORE, because the older I get the more I feel my heartstrings being tugged at the most random times. So many times I feel almost frantic because there are so many things I could be doing that I'm not. It's time to start doing some of those things.

CONNECT WITH GOD MORE, because being still and spending time with God will sustain me through the bad days, the normal days, and the great days. My happiness will be enhanced with God, and my sadness will be tolerable with God. 

GIVE GRACE MORE, because people aren't perfect and neither am I. People will say and do things that hurt my feelings. When this happens, I have two choices- I can be offended and stew over it and become resentful or angry. Or I can let it go and realize that we all fall short and I can choose to forgive because I hope that I am forgiven when I fall short as well. 

APPRECIATE MOMENTS MORE, because there are no perfect days. Never, ever, has there been an entirely perfect day. But there have been perfect moments. So when they happen, I need to be undistracted and "all in." Life is too fleeting to let the gift of a perfect moment go unnoticed.

CELEBRATE MORE, because small things or even nothing special can be celebrated. Birthdays and New Years and such should be celebrated, but so can any day. I can take the family to a movie on a school night, a fancy dinner with fancy dishes and candles can be on a regular old Tuesday, and a party can be thrown for a silly, made up reason. Our time here is limited, so why on Earth not?

And last but not least, may 2018 be the most authentic and inspiring year yet, full of wonder and many perfect moments!!!~

Gym Mirrors and Petunia Pig

So, sometimes peer pressure works out in a positive way- like coercing you to go to a gym class.

I rolled in on two wheels, completely oblivious as to how long it would actually take me to arrive to the gym. At this time I'm normally curled up on the couch with the dog drinking my morning fuel of an ice cold Coca-Cola, and I wasn't sure what to expect.

When I walked in I saw a lot of perky pony tails. Don't get me wrong, I had a pony tail too, but my pony tail looked sort of sad and apprehensive and a bit frizzy. The pony tails surrounding me were sleek and confident. These ponytails could do non-knee push-ups.

As the class started, I knew I was in trouble when I was extremely winded during the "warm-up." There is no bigger lie then the words "warm up." Truth be told, I have never in my life attended ANY class, of ANY type, in ANY state where I wasn't completely ready to go home after the warm up. And not only go home after that, but feel accomplished.

Well, halfway through the workout, they did this exercise where you jump in the air like you are extremely excited. Of course there is always the modified version, or what I would prefer to call, the exercise for people who do not, in fact, feel like they have just won the lottery.

I tended to stick with that on more than one occasion.

In this particular gym class, like most, the entire wall you face is a big mirror. 

I looked at my legs in this mirror and two words unexpectedly popped into my mind...

Petunia Pig.

Normally, I would think that the image I was seeing was skewed in some way.

Sort of like when you see your reflection in store mirrors and your legs look shorter and stubbier than they really are. However, to my knowledge, there has yet to be a mirror invented which makes me look like Petunia while making everyone else look like Beyoncé, so there goes that theory.

And let me be clear. This class was ONLY THIRTY MINUTES.

Not sure why, but I just needed you to know that.

As the class drew to a close, we ended with *several* rounds of burpees. 

Yes, the words -*several* and *burpees* in the same sentence. The most hated exercise in existence. I can't even tell you how many I managed to knock out. I just wanted out of there.

I was supposed to stay and do a Body Pump class, but since I want to live to see my grandchildren someday, I told my friends adios, I would see them tomorrow (this may be a blatant lie), and slunk to my car...or so I thought.

Yes, I was so out of sorts I walked to the wrong car. Luckily, I corrected myself before I physically tried to get in it. However, once I was sitting in my car, I began to felt that lump you get in your throat right before you throw up.

I proceeded to call my mom, because even in your 40s, that's what you always want to do when you feel sick. Unfortunately while talking to her, I burped very loudly in her ear, but began to feel better.

And do not think that the irony of burping after burpees escapes me.

Truth be told, I am typing this right now on my phone in the gym parking lot. I'm still getting my bearings. In the same vein as the people with the half marathon stickers on their vehicles, 13.1, there may need to be a new sticker.

"Past the warmup"

I would exhibit it proudly today.

45 is ...

1. Your plan to have lunch and a massage on your birthday quickly morphs into cleaning up vomit and looking for a two-inch missing wolf spider.

2. You seriously contemplate if the amount of effort it is going to take to lose those stubborn pounds is really worth giving up golden brown fries dipped in ranch.

3. You decide that a Spandex black tennis skirt is perfectly acceptable as a bathing suit bottom.

4. You instantly fall hopelessly in love with anyone who even bothers to card you.

5. You want to yell from the mountaintops to all the teachers at your child's school, and to all of their parents, that once you were really an AWESOME, energetic, top-notch Pinterest-loving room mom. You really were. Now you are more a Publix-made cupcake, and "Oh, it was picture day?" kind of mom.

6. Sometimes when you are taking a picture on your phone and you accidentally flip the camera the other way, you actually scare yourself.

7. You think the filters on Snapchat are the best thing invented since electricity.

8. Your number one shopping question changes from, "Am I thin enough to wear this?" to, "Am I young enough to wear this?"

9. Your girls' beach trips graduate from dancing at the Florabama and morph into decadent dinners and chatting over cocktails in PJs back at the condo.

10. You suddenly begin researching skincare as intently as Jonas Salk trying to crack the code for the polio vaccine.

11. You find yourself wanting to tell some of these younger sports parents that their kids aren't going to play for the Red Sox so calm down and enjoy the ride.

12. You find yourself walking more and more into rooms and wondering why you did...

13. Your days of chasing toddlers and arranging play dates have turned into driving around older kids with jam packed social schedules like you are an Uber driver burning up the streets in New York City.

14. You embrace laugh lines over many of the frozen-faced people you see walking around like live wax museum exhibits. 

15. An organized closet makes you happy. Really happy.

16. In a lot of ways, you still feel exactly the same inside as when you were 25.

17. A smell or a song can still trigger a memory of a college party, or a laugh with friends, or a high school dance so vividly that it can take your breath away.

18. Sometimes you wonder when you are going to feel grown up.

19. When you have on JUST the right pair of reading glasses, you feel a little bit hot...in a mysterious librarian sort of way.

20. Now that you are a parent of tweens and teens, you don't think that on the old sitcom "Roseanne" that she was as bad a parent as you once thought she was.

21.  You wonder how on earth you are going to make the next 45 years as awesome as the first have been.

And last but not least...

22. When it comes to this crazy, precious life you have been given, sometimes you feel like you are just getting started.

In 2017...

In 2017...

I will be audacious.

I will spend more time politely saying no thank you, and spend less time being pressured into a half-hearted yes.

I will focus on following my heart, and spend less time worrying about the unrealistic expectations of others.

I will spend much more time being creative, and less time being aimlessly busy.

I will not fall into the trap that being busy is something to be admired. I will look at excessive busyness as the stealer of authentic life moments.

I will stand up for principles I hold dear, without worrying about what anyone thinks. I will remember that if I am standing up for something I feel is right and good and just and holy, then others disagreeing with me should not matter to me whatsoever.

I will read more, not only because it is extremely enjoyable, but also because I discover so much more about myself when I read, which in turn makes me a more authentic me.

I will tackle the laundry problem, and I will win.

I will try to feel as close to God as I did when I was a younger me at Lake Junaluska, before adulthood stole my naivety of the world. I miss that.

I will go to the movies more...because it's fun.

I will try to read the whole Bible, because I'm not sure how great it's going to sound when I tell God I've made time to read all these amazing mysteries but not HIS entire book.

I won't worry about the state of my house when a friend drops by, because if it's a real friend, clutter doesn't matter.

I will not be ashamed of being a deeply feeling person. I will use it as the gift that it is.

I will exercise in a way that I enjoy, a way that I am more likely to stick with, and not necessarily the most popular ways.

I will try to do better and not fall into the bottomless pit of overthinking.

I will continue to remind my mirror reflection that grand expressions and smiling eyes and laugh lines are more beautiful and younger looking than immovable faces and waxen stillness.

I will try to see the humor in absolutely everything, because humor is truly one of God's greatest gifts.

If it's trendy to wear stripes, I might wear polka dots, and if big heels are popular I might wear comfortable flats. I will remind myself that the most beautiful thing of all is confidence and being comfortable in your own skin.

I will try to be more giving.

I will try to be more productive.

I will try to eat more healthy most of the time, but if I truly want the piece of cake, I am going to eat the piece of cake- no regrets.

I am going to write, write, and write some more. Like it's my job. Like a boss. Writing will not take a back seat to tedious tasks. The book will be finished this time next year. I will set attainable goals, and I will reach them.

I won't be a slave to distractions. I don't have to jump for every text, ding, and piece of information that comes my way. That can wait. But Monopoly with my family may not.

I will slow the pace on many things, and accelerate the pace on others.

There will be more now, and less yesterday and tomorrow.

This year will be a good one. This  year I'm hitting "reset."

I will be kind...

but I will be fierce.

Happy New Year!!!!!!!

Ice Cream, Hugs, and Music

To say that the last few months have been tumultuous would be quite an understatement. Many of us have been angered, saddened, embarrassed, enraged, horrified, empowered, incensed, or some other big, strong, soul-rattling emotion. Perhaps many emotions all at once.

During these times, some of us have drawn closer to people we may have more in common with than we ever before realized, and many of us have found that some of those closest to us seem like strangers. We have had our feelings hurt, and we have hurt others' feelings. Sometimes without even knowing.

It's been rough. All of the hostility has been in the air for a while now. It has been defeating. It's been exhausting. And mostly, it's been disheartening.

Our bodies, minds, and spirits are beaten down, and oh, so very tired.

No one should have to apologize for standing up for something they believe in, nor should anyone apologize for standing against something they believe to be wrong.

What is it they say? If you don't stand for something then you stand for nothing.

But sometimes we need to regroup. To rest. To feel peace. To reconnect. 

Our souls need music, hugs and ice cream. Simplicity.

There are times the swirling needs to stop.

Sometimes you need to feel the warm water running over your wrist while you wash a dish with Bing Crosby singing in the background. 

Sometimes you need to notice the light reflecting off your son's eyelashes while he is talking to you on the front steps in the brisk fall air.

Sometimes you need to look at a strangers, right into their eyes, and give a real smile and have that smile returned. 

Maybe, like a friend of mine, you even need to tell the guy at Starbucks that your name is actually 'Shazam' so he will yell it when your drink is ready.

It's about to be December, which should be the most peaceful and holy time of the year. And if we allow all the static in, we won't be able to feel the magic of the season.

Whatever fight we have before us, whatever battle we need to wage, whether it is for something we believe in, or against something we don't...

That battle will still be there the first day of 2017. 

And maybe, just maybe, if we stop and regroup, by then, our path will look clearer and our spirit will be stronger and filled with renewed love and purpose for others and ourselves.