Scene From a Mexican Restaurant

The whole thing was bizarre. It sounds crazy, yet what I felt was real.

I had just been at a school event with my child in which we were working
a candy dig booth where each child used a shovel to dig for candy through a mysterious hole in a board where they couldn't exactly see all the yummy treasures they were acquiring. As the kids were dismissed from school, we were in the lunch room with hoards of frenzied hungry kids with money to spend. It was loud and it was hot. Did I mention it was loud AND hot?

After that I had to hurriedly help clean up and my husband took both of the boys with him to a baseball lesson for the oldest. We were to all meet afterwards at the Mexican restaurant.
I arrived at the restaurant alone, not realizing I would be waiting almost a full hour before they made it there. I was seated in a booth and I ordered a cold drink to quench my thirst as I waited.

Normally, in a situation like this, I would have called my husband to see what time they were meeting me, or while sitting there all alone, I would have naturally used my phone to entertain myself, a little Facebook or Words With Friends as a distraction to pass time. Why not? I was alone and had nothing but time and no one sitting with me to talk to. But when I reached for my phone it was completely dead. I didn't even have a way of checking to see how long I would be waiting for my family. I was stuck just sitting there by myself, waiting for an unspecific time, with nothing to do to pass the time. Just me in a dim but busy restaurant with my cold drink and my thoughts.

This is when things got strange. At first I noticed all of the conversations going on around me. Not in a stalkerish eavesdropping way, but more in a happy background noise type way. My hearing seemed more keen, my breathing seemed deeper, and I began noticing all the things around me. It's like all of my senses were on high alert, but not in a loud annoying way, but in an intensely aware and relaxing way.

I began noticing all the different colors in the room. The deep colors of the lights. Their bumpy texture. I felt like I was breathing deeper than before, like my lungs were finally at full capacity.

This may sound nuts, but it felt like perhaps for the first time in my life I was meditating. Accidentally meditating, but meditating nevertheless. When do we ever sit by ourselves for an hour without something keeping us occupied? We always have a to-do list or a television or phone or book or SOMETHING. When do we EVER sit for an HOUR and do absolutely nothing?

And then it hit me. Is this what we are now missing? Is this what our electronic devices and constant need to be engaged are stealing from us? Are they stealing our ability to just be?

Yes, they are. They absolutely are. We don't know how to just be anymore. How to sit and absorb everything around us. Think about how back in the old days the men would sit on the courthouse steps and just be on a lazy summer afternoon. That doesn't happen anymore. We are slowly but surely becoming robots, mere shells of the seeing, feeling, and absorbing humans we are meant to be. Because I know one thing, if there is beauty to be found inside a busy restaurant, imagine all the other things we are missing? Are we fully absorbing all the sounds and smells and things to see around us? Or are we constantly "on call," at the mercy of every text ding and message sent with frantic pace our way.

This experience at the most unlikely of places caused me to wake up. Figuratively and literally.

I searched the bookstore, one of the best places I know to fully absorb, and I found a little treasure of a book which is exactly what I was looking for. It is Hands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford.

One of the first quotes in the book is by Dale Carnegie-

"One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon~instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today."

That Dale Carnegie was a smart guy.

I knew the book was going to be a winner, and it is. It will absolutely change your life.

I encourage everyone to read this book.

My first step is going to be making sure I am distraction free from the moment the boys get home until they go to bed. They will not remember me being distracted, they will remember my attention.

Now, does this mean that I will ignore a text before baseball changing
practice locations? Or course not. Does that mean I won't EVER take a quick picture of my child in his first baseball game of the year and quickly post it for some friends and family to share that moment? No.

But a necessary notification or a quick picture of a meaningful moment and mindless time consuming absorption are two different things.

I invite everyone to read Hands Free Mama with me. I really think it is going to be a life changer.

And please share any stories or moments you experience along the way.

Change is always more fun and easier with friends.

Seasons

My little man walks up to the plate,
Dragging his bat all the way.
He stands and waits for the ball to be pitched,
Drawing designs in the clay.

All eyes in the stands are upon him,
But he doesn't seem to care.
Bases are loaded, two outs on the board,
It's a lot for this mama to bear.

He slowly turns to look at me,
Sly grin upon his face.
He doesn't doubt his ability,
He knows he'll get on base.

The first swing he misses,
The second he swings too late.
A final strike and then he's out.
But he stays there at the plate.

He doesn't realize it's over,
'Til the ump gently nudges his side.
He slowly heads back off the field,
His disappointment is hard to hide.

Now he's in the outfield,
It's just beginning to rain.
But he's looking straight up in the sky,
"Oh look, there goes a plane!"

A few more innings pass,
And they lose 14-10.
I hope he's not too disappointed
That his night didn't end with a win.

He slowly heads toward me,
Equipment slung on his back
He breaks out in a huge, toothy grin.
"Hey Mom, what is there for snack?"

Seasons have come and seasons have gone,
And these fields I continue to roam.
Cheering him on from the stands,
This place is our second home.

Who is that running from second to third?
He isn't so small anymore.
The look of concentration,
In those big eyes I adore.

Now when I look at him,
The determination I see,
Gives me just a tiny glimpse,
Of the man that he will be.

I watch him now in the dugout,
Joking around with a friend.
He's learned so much more by now,
How to humbly lose and win.

He's learned about perseverance,
And what it means to be part of a team.
He knows you only get better,
When you continue to follow a dream.

Now as I stand in the ballpark,
I breathe the scent of the fresh cut grass.
So many seasons I've sat in these stands,
But they're going by way too fast.

So many lessons we've learned out here.
And memorable games we have won.
I realize with a tear of gratitude.
Baseball is helping me raise quite a son.


~ Dedicated to my precious boys!
I love you,
Mom

New Beginnings

January 1, always excites me.

Technically, it's no different than any other day, but it just screams "possibilities" to me. Possibilities for new and exciting things to happen. Possibilities for new ventures, choices, and priorities. There is just something about a new year that is exciting and fresh. It's funny how possibilities we hope for change as we mature and our perspectives change.

My list used to look something like this: This year I want to lose weight so I can feel good in a bikini this summer. I want to be more organized. I want to keep the house clean at all times, etc.

But time changes things.

For instance, this is not the year that I care to be able to wear a two-piece in the summer. This is the year I hope to feel better and stronger and be able to enjoy every second at Disney with my kids because I have more energy. And it will just be an added bonus if I'm able to wear a bathing suit without a skirt thingie attached.

It's the year I want to focus first and foremost on my family, even more fiercely than I always have, because time is moving forward at an incredibly breathtaking speed, and my children are my world. If my 'tween wants me to do something with him, I will drop the dust rag in mid-air, hurdle the couch, and run to his side because those moments he wants his Mom will become more and more fleeting as his focus begins to be more frequently on friends.

This will be the year I nurture that handful of life-changing female friendships that feed your soul as we navigate life together. Those friendships that weather all the trials of life, and though life changes and throws its share of curve balls, the love in those friendships never changes. I adore mine. We all need those "Golden Girls" we plan to sip tea with on the lanai.

And this is the first time that as the new year approaches, the need to simplify is burning like a fire within me. A dear friend of mine recently moved and downsized and simplified. As I walked into her home for the first time, I could literally feel peace wash over me. Everything in her home was deliberate and meaningful, something worth paying attention to for sure. Yet, the freedom from all of the hoards of stuff was freeing. It is something I want to try to duplicate this year. The sense of peace is worth it.

Also, this year I want to stop glorifying "busy." I am starting to realize that being busy doesn't mean you are important or more worthy or any of those things. It simply means you are busy, perhaps having less time for the more important, authentic things. And what is really good about that? Being busy only means less time for board games, walks, talking in front of the fireplace. This year I 'm going to try to be less busy.

Creativity will also take a front burner this year. I have truly come to believe that nurturing your creative spirit is the key to almost everything. Wherever your creativity lies...use it. I just know it's the key to happiness, and pretty much everything good flows from that. Now that I have a new printer to replace the broken one, I'm ready to send out manuscripts again. I've given up on the myth of perfection. My new motto is just to keep writing, and things will happen.

This year I am going to try to realize that a little love goes a long way. Small acts of kindness change the world. I know that in this over-reported, over-documented world, where every topic from small things to big things are debated in a social forum and opinions are spewed and venom is spewed, I'm going to remember that non-judgement and love go a long way.

This is pretty much my list for this new and exciting year. A list much different from years past. But I'm not going to pretend like some of my past wishes still don't bleed into the present. There is a part of me that would really love to not just get stronger but also see that scale go down 25 pounds. But if I get healthier and stronger and that doesn't happen, I will just fall back on the wise words of a friend who told me that she read that if you carry a big purse it makes you look smaller. Maybe I will just see what's new in 2014's line of Samsonite duffels.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Please share your hopes for 2014. I would love to hear them!

Melissa

Still

Tonight was the best night.

No one was cooking. No one was shopping. No last minute wrapping. And no one was fooling around with Christmas presents. No one was taking something somewhere or trying to get somewhere on time.

We all just were.

Every single one of us sitting in the den. Nothing planned. No movie. No TV show. Not even a board game.

We all just sat and breathed, and relaxed, and talked, and laughed. That's it. But hours of it. Uninterrupted. And it was wonderful.

We were silly, even playing songs on my iPhone and seeing who could guess the songs first. And songs all have stories and memories and so on...

And now, everyone has gone to bed because they have to drive home tomorrow.

But one thing is for sure. Next Christmas there will be less doing and more being.

Because tonight is what Christmas with family should be like.

Happy New Year Everyone!

The Rest of the Story

So, the other day I realized I have a ridiculous amount of parenting books. I can't even bring myself to type the number. Combine an avid reader with a paranoid first- time mom and there you go. I wanted some education.
But here is the thing...it was all junk.
I'm not sure how that many books managed to ALL contradict each other, but I'm pretty sure they did. Pick him up, let him cry, rock him, sit at the crib and move the chair a little further away each night, put him in bed with you, don't put him in bed with you or you will surely squish him, put him beside your bed- like a crib
sidecar... you get the drift.
Bottom line is, these books are written by people we don't even know. And let's face it, many times we don't even take the advice of those we know best, so I have no idea why we put so much stock in complete strangers.
When it's all said and done, there are very few truths that are constants straight across the board. Most of parenting is on instinct. But now that my kids are older, there are a few truths that should have been written about in which there would never be any contradictions. There are several things that no one tells new parents, and you can't find anything about them in the mommy books either.

1. It doesn't matter if you have mostly leather couches, linoleum, tile, hardwood, or whatever. Your child will projectile vomit on the only cloth, unwashable thing you have in a 3,200 square foot area. So really, from about the time the petri dish called school starts until summertime, you might want to go ahead and wrap your furniture in plastic like your Great Aunt Agnes.

2. The powers that be are not kidding. You really never will go to the bathroom alone again. Never. Ever. I have nursed a baby in the bathroom, performed a puppet show with my foot, answered a zillion questions, and played a
modified game of kickball. Also, I have been asked a 37 trillion questions through the shower door. It's sort of like the foggy door makes it seems like the wisdom of Oz is behind it, and they come to me with all of life's questions.

3. Mom competition is a real thing. It doesn't matter if you ignore all the conversations about percentiles or early reading ability, it will hunt you down and find you when you least expect it. It struck me unexpectedly this soccer season when I thanked God I had already had snack duty because a parent after me had snack present boxes tied with twine and soccer stamping on the outside of the box. The next logical step for anyone following that would be for Beckham to hand out the snacks while posing for 8x10s with each child.

4. The things you obsess over like potty training? Well, don't. It doesn't matter if you get an Elmo book about it, do what Dr. Phil says, draw a bullseye on the toilet, give them an M&M every time they pee, or forgo potty training and trust they will "know" when they are ready. It doesn't matter. They will get it. They really will. What they won't get?Finding their shoes, jackets, and backpacks when they need them. This is what you need to be worried about. They will never overcome this hurdle. Never. Ever. Trust me.

5. When they come to you covered in blood like they are trying to make a sequel to Carrie, take a deep breath and look to the highest point covered in blood. There you will find the wound since blood travels down. It's surprisingly easy to forget this obvious fact when you feel like you are in a horror movie.

6. As far as holidays go, you have only two Halloweens to have total control over their costume choices. Choose wisely. And avoid all bouncy houses, restaurant play areas, etc., the entire month of December. If you do choose to go to one, be sure it's worth you and/or your children vomiting into a bucket on Christmas morning.

7. There will come a time in your life when socks will become your nemesis. After they are worn once and washed, you will never accurately match them again. You may be able to match brands, but you won't understand why one looks so white and the other looks like it was dragged through a motocross race, or why one is intact while the other has loose elastic. It doesn't matter if you color code the tips with a Sharpie or try to wash them together. Something unexplainable happens with socks and it will tip the scales of your sanity... weekly.

8. No matter the age difference or gender or how incredibly much they truly love each other, siblings will find a way to fight over absolutely anything. It helps them develop a sense of fairness and competition. Mine have even fought over who saw a pile of dog vomit first.

9. Some of you have never, ever, allowed your children to have caffeine even once. And that's great-it's not good for them. However, if you have never given your child caffeine and decide to attempt it, do NOT, under any circumstances give it to them in a public setting...unless you happen to be at the zoo.

10. Do not purchase anything that requires cleaning out a cage, tank, or filter even if the instructions guarantee it will only need to be done once a month. Don't do it. You will dread it like a root canal and at some point will have a come apart while shaking a filter brush toward the heavens.

11. Protect each piece of a Lego kit like the Holy Grail. If you lose even one piece of a 1,832 piece jet...forget it. It's over.

12. Do not jump on the Christmas Elf bandwagon. Never. Ever. Walk away.
You're welcome.

Ummm...yeah. It's time.

It. Is. Time.

It has been a wonderful summer. Dare I say that never before has my family had such an action packed summer. We have traveled so much, with trips to the beach, and trips to the lake with dear friends. Weekends full of boating and tubing and swimming and sun-kissed conversations over yummy food while listening to bands. There have been wonderful nights by our neighborhood pool with friends - nights filled with laughter. There have been close friendships that have become even closer for both me and my children. We have seen movies and bowled. There have been parties and kid sleepovers. We have been soooo lucky this summer! It has all been absolutely wonderful!

But I will just go on and say it...

I. Am. Done.

It's true. There is truly not one more ounce of energy left in my body.

Today, when I came a hair's breadth away from stretching out on the floor of Toys-R-Us, I knew everything was screeching to an end.
Granted, those who know my youngest will understand that a trip to Toys-R-Us with him after he found an unexpected giftcard after cleaning his room might even suck the energy out of a Jack Russel. But right there, in my big old Palooza pants, I almost melted in the animal habitat section like the witch in Oz.
I think I started downhill when we finally had a toy picked out after 8,472 questions, and then he saw something on a lower shelf, threw himself on his knees in front of it and exclaimed, "Oh, this is NOT over!!!"

I felt like I could cry from exhaustion. Granted, maybe I need to get my iron checked or something, but I clearly did not feel like this at the beginning of the summer.

And if I'm completely honest, there are other signs that maybe my quality of summer parenting has peaked.

Take the sock monkey in the shrubs. Right now, as I am sitting here typing this on my front steps, there is a huge sock monkey in my shrubs. Nevermind the laundry or smudges on my front window, but a dang sock monkey. Right now. Maybe fifteen yards from me. And I just don't care.
I might have cared early June. But tomorrow is August and I really don't care if the entire stuffed animal section of FAO Schwarz is in my shrubs.
Another sign summer is winding down?
I'm exercising.
Not to be thinner or to fit in half of the sad and lonely clothes in my closet, but in an attempt to find more energy and to have a few quiet moments away from everyone that has common DNA.
And last but not least, my mental health may also be slipping a tad. At first, I just felt crazy from all of the sibling squabbling. Who doesn't? The endless arguments over the most ridiculous things. But now my mind is wandering into odd arenas. But I am telling you as sure as I am sitting here, for those times that Jessie or Good Luck Charlie is over and we ACCIDENTALLY see a snippet of Dog With a Blog, I know with every fiber of my being that when that dog is trying to make a point in his serious voice or is being sarcastic that it is the exact same voice that taunted Drew Barrymore in the first Scream movie.

For real.

Yep, if that isn't a sign that Mama needs to get back on a schedule, I'm not sure what is.

And FYI, my youngest just told me that the remote control helicopter that we just bought actually isn't a remote control helicopter like it looked like on the box but just a helicopter on wheels that has some missiles that shoot out.

He just came out here to show me the missiles, pressed the button to launch them, and the helicopter wings fell off.

And just like that I'm transported back to Oz.

Here we go again...Zimmerman verdict

After the ruling in the Zimmerman case, Facebook is exploding again. "Friends" will soon be spewing attacks at each other, while others will choose to "hide" friends from view. Still others will continue to complain about the politics all over Facebook, but will silently stay on social media, continue to read, and then complain about what they are reading.
I've never quite understood when people complain about social issues on SOCIAL media.
Anyhow, this case is very emotionally charged and very sad. It shows how circumstances can so quickly get out of control. It shows how every action leads to another action. Unfortunately, sometimes things snowball and point A leads to point Z very quickly.
This case had all the components for a politically charged stew. Race, guns, self-defense, possible profiling, etc. There was never a way this case could conclude without backlash of some sort.
As I sit and read posts coming from both sides, I'm really trying not to debate. Even though my college degree (Criminal Justice/Political Science) really makes me want to debate. I was one of the lucky ones who got to follow the entire O.J. Simpson case through my criminology class.
But another reason I can't debate, is because fortunately or unfortunately, I can see some points on both sides. And as I also understand it, sometimes if you make a ruling following the law, that does not mean the ruling will be what it OUGHT to be.
Basically, after thinking on it all, and thinking on it some more. All I can come up with is this...
To me, the sad thing about this case is that in the end, Zimmerman may have genuinely feared for his life. But the reason the altercation occurred in the first place is because Zimmerman acted like a wanna-be cop who wanted vigilante justice and even ignored dispatcher orders to stop. So is it POSSIBLE that Zimmerman feared for his life? Yes. Whose fault was it that he was in a position to fear for his life? Zimmerman's. There is a whole lot of gray in this case. No one but those two people truly know what happened. And one has been proven not to be the most honest person, and the other is dead.