Well, it has just officially changed.
It is now "Shut the box." No. Seriously. Shut the elf box. Just shut the box containing the elf. Put your hands over your head where we can see them, and quietly, ever so quietly, move away from the box containing whatever type of elf is inside. Do not make any sudden movements or the evil critter might jump on you like a flying monkey and suck your breath out.
The. Elves. Are. Done.
Let's end this now.
All of these elves sitting on these shelves who are now not only celebrating Christmas, but also BIRTHDAYS...Must. Be. Eliminated.
The creators of these little festive demons are probably now multi-millionaires at our sweaty, overworked-mommy expense.
It's time to fight back.
Just like a train wreck where you can't look away, I decided to Google this new birthday elf and see exactly what tricks he is trying to pull. We older, more seasoned elf-experienced rebel mothers are ready to take a stand. But these newer mommies who are worried about doing everything right???
Look. Away.
Look away right now or your soul will be turned to stone.
Here is what the new birthday elf entails...
Apparently the elves have a "special" way of celebrating birthdays at the North Pole. (Yippee Ki-Yay)
SO...there are special instructions for how you can invite your elf to spend your birthday with you!!! There is even a special birthday outfit you can slip your elf into for the big day!!!! Of COURSE there is ($Cha-Ching$)
Now, I WILL say that there was a place on the website where you could donate to kids in need, kids whose needs are as simple as a clean glass of water. And THAT is where we should be spending our elf bucks- for SURE. So, if you have an elf, or want an elf, I think this part is wonderful. Lets do just THIS part.
Maybe our Christmas elves, since many of us seem to already be stuck with them, should do random acts of kindness at Christmas time for the less fortunate. It seems to make way more sense than rolling them down the stairs inside a roll of toilet paper.
I will readily admit, I love to be creative. But I'm not sure around Christmas or birthdays is when we need extra tasks.
"Oh, sure I can organize the class Christmas party, and work, and decorate the house, and buy and wrap all the Christmas gifts for both sides of the family, and find an angel costume for the church play- but wait!!! First I have to dump a bag of powdered sugar in my floor at 1:00 AM so our pretend elf can make a snow angel so my children can smile for 1.2 seconds about it, and then I can spend a half an hour cleaning it up while I'm already running late."
Anyhow, the Elf anarchy must end.
If we let this continue, there will soon be an Arbor Day Elf and we will have to gather up our elves and go plant trees. Then there will be Columbus Day Elf where the inventors of this hive-inducing tradition encourage us to build a replica of the Nina, Pinta, or Santa Maria so our elves can board these vessels and pretend they are searching for new land. I say we let our elves celebrate Halloween, perhaps sitting on a ledge somewhere on Elm Street, give them a little Benadryl, wish them sweet dreams, and see how they fare with a man in a green and red sweater (See? Festive!)... named Freddy.
Seriously.
Moms unite. We can do this.
*Virtual fist bump*
Thank you Thank you. You are the first mommy I've heard say this.. Although, I’ve actually been secretly thinking it the whole time. I didn’t want to be the scrooge, the Grinch, Debbie-Downer what-not. But seriously, what’s the point?
ReplyDeleteI can totally commensurate with the picture you painted as I add this one more elf duty to my task list before I go to bed...and who am I kidding..I don’t have one more minute before bed (in fact I have a 4 year old who insists that I lay down with her each night and invariably I fall asleep too) So I am the one who creeps down the stairs in the early morning hours, in hopes that no eyes are peeking, while I wrangle our jingle-bell friend into one more creative position or rack my brain to recall one of the “101 clever shenanigans for the ELF”
Speaking of Shenanigans, what are we doing here? Isn’t the point of the elf to “watch” the children’s behavior and report back to Mr. Claus? If my children did half the things I’ve seen some of these elves doing, they would be in serious trouble. So look for me to scale back the elf jollies and possibly join this elf army you speak of that spreads Christmas Kindness. Rise of the Elf Anarchy!!!
I will have to read a ton more of your posts...you and I think alike. (btw I went to high school with your friend Debbie Rottinghaus Clifford)
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