Slow. It. Down.

     *I've been on hiatus, but now that is over. It is time to get back in the saddle. I will be posting on my blog once a week from this point forward, and working on getting that book published and likely decorating my computer area with rejection letters. If I'm not working on a book, writing in a blog, writing in a journal-or whatever- I'm not fully happy. So that's just that. Hiatus over now.


     Okay, so here is the deal...

     People, we need to slow down. Slow. It. Down.

     What in the flipping world are we doing to ourselves? I know back in the day people had worries too. Big worries. The crops. Illness.
     But for the love. Are we TRYING to do ourselves in these days? I am not preaching. And if I am, I am preaching to the choir-and I am the choir.
     Let me just share this texting stream between me and my friend. And I promise you, with God as my witness, this is real. Only the slightly inappropriate has been changed or left out.
     A little background info for you. I am a co-room mom for my son's kindergarten class, and I was decorating a door for Boosterthon- a race the kids run and get people to sponsor them to raise money for the school. My son's class has a puppy theme.
     Here ya go...my friend's name has been changed to protect her in case she doesn't want her name associated with my crazy. Here it is...

Me: I've taken Claire (from the show Modern Family) to a whole new level and I need you to talk me down.

Vivian (I know, just go with it): What in the world are you doing?

Me: We have to decorate a door for each K class for Boosterthon. It's a competition-need I say more? I'm making 20 dogs but now I've decided they must all be different breeds and wearing Nike's!!!

Vivian: For the love.

Me: I know. I'm sick.

Vivian: I think they need designer collars too. With quotes. Different ones. And jewels. I think they should also have on little wind suits.

Me: One- I kid you not-has a collar with a jewel. What about sweatbands?

Vivian: I was going to say sweatbands instead of windsuits but I was afraid you would think I was serious.

Me: Well, I know you are kinda making fun of me but I am for realzzz.

Vivian: I know you are for realzzz for realzzz, but I just cannot take a Boosterthon door with 20 dogs of different breeds in Nike's all that seriously.

Me: I'm laughing so hard right now that my son is confused.

Vivian: He's going to have many moments of confusion while his mom is butt-deep in construction paper and glue, I'm afraid. He needs to learn to deal with his reality and just stand back.

Me: I can't stop giggling. You do realize I'm freestyle drawing these pups too...
They are also having a finish line between two hydrants...kid you not.

Vivian: Draw one &^% dog, stack the paper up, cut them out and color them different colors. But that would be too easy. <sigh> Oh, I have no doubt it will be amazing. People may line up to look at it. Like Bellingrath. You could even integrate smells.

Me: In a second I will attempting an Airedale.

Vivian: When they ask me when I knew for sure you had lost your mind, I feel certain I'm going to go back to this conversation.

Me: But I think part of you understands this.

Vivian: Of course I understand it, but it doesn't make it normal.

Me: I'm not sure how to make shoes small enough for the dachshund and poodle.

Vivian: Now that's something you don't hear everyday. And you sure can't Google it.

Me: I need therapy. I'm attempting a Norwegian Elkhound.

Vivian: Then you can do a Rhodesian Ridgeback. That's a normal thing to do on a Wednesday night in April.

*********************

I think you get the point.

So now that the fact that my insanity has been established, I will add that I think many of us do this to some degree. At least I hope. We place pressure where there should be none. The sick part is that I had an absolute blast doing it. But that is not always the case. I saw on Pinterest the other day..."Twenty five things to say to your child other than 'Good Job.' "   Seriously? SERIOUSLY??? Are we analyzing things THIS much?

It all began with Elf on a Shelf. I'm telling you it did.

Birthday parties are out of control. Soon Justin Bieber will be rented for some of these girl parties. School valentines are now better than goody bags at a birthday party. And don't get me started on goody bags. Yes, I give them. But I also hate myself a little for it.

Thanks to Pinterest, which I unnaturally love, not only do our kids wear a new, cute outfit on the first day of school, but we must take pictures, post them, and compare them to last year's picture, and have them hold a rustic sign with perfectly placed chalk letters saying what they want to be when they grow up.

Oh, and while we are at it, we need to take a picture of them every month so when they are 18 we can put together a montage to a popular song to show the progression of how fast their noses and other features changed every 30 days.

Slow it down people. Slow. It. Down.

YES, I should be looking in the mirror as I say this.

But when I originally wrote this, I had to hurry because there was dog athletic wear to cut out.

I know. I will start tomorrow.