Spending seven hours stranded in my house while waiting for the air conditioner repairman AND scraping something sticky off the wall using my Pampered Chef stone bar pan scraper to avoid paint damage AND spilling Hawaiian Punch all over the counter AND accidentally painting a spot on my wall the wrong color AND going outside to hide from my children so that I could please, for the love of all that is sacred, try to read for two minutes, was not exactly how I imagined that my first official day of summer break would go.
But as someone smart and intuitive once said, I think a Beatle?, life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.
Every time I make grand statements like, "This is going to be the best summer EVAHHHH," I am surely setting myself up. That may be the exact moment that someone starts vomiting.
That is when I must remind myself that there are no perfect summers, and there are no totally perfect days, but there ARE perfect moments. And some days have LOTS of perfect moments.
Take today for instance. Watching my oldest sit on the floor of the bookstore with my youngest and helping him find a book he liked- perfect moment. Listening to my youngest sing Bruno Mars in the backseat with the most earnest expression , "I hope he buys you flowers..." Another perfect moment.
My oldest wanting me to sit with him after a day of fun and watch a Braves game he recorded- awesome.
My youngest trying to shoot ground beef out of his nose at Lime, the Mexican restaurant where we had lunch. Ummm, no.
So no, the summer will not be perfect. A whole day will not even be completely perfect.
And for those days when there are hardly ANY perfect moments, there ARE fruity summer umbrella drinks.
But here's to hoping we all have a summer of many, many perfect MOMENTS:)
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Friday, May 24, 2013
Popping Tags
The other day I popped some tags.
Not Macklemore's kind, but rather the bathing suit kind.
I don't mean I bought a bunch of bathing suits. I mean, I literally, popped tags.
I tried on a size 6, and apparently the force was too great and the tags shot off across the dressing room like a cannon- almost shooting into the next stall.
They didn't fall off- they fired off.
Remember those optical illusions where you stare at all the lines and your eyes play tricks on you. Well, why in the heck can't they make an optical illusion suit? And after seriously Googling it, I am clearly not the only one who has thought of it. People are trying this. We need a suit with lines going everywhere and if you look at it, it either creates the illusion of a tiny person or even perhaps just makes your eyes blur so much that you can't see anything.
I kind of want to do the Medusa route. I need to know that if people look at my suit they turn to stone. That way I don't have to spend my entire Birmingham summer in a suffocating coverup.
They've already tried the miracle suit. FAIL!!! It's like those little rubber monster toys you squeeze and the eyeballs pop out. The bathing suit squeezes you so tight that suddenly- whoops!!! Well...there you go. It's all got to be re-routed somewhere. Didn't even know I had armpit fat.
At one point I decided I would just wear a loose, airy dress, a floppy hat, and shades. If anyone wants me to swim I can just pretend I'm channeling Garbo and beg to be left alone. I also figure if people are drowning, I can still save them in a T-shirt and a tennis skirt as well as I could a bikini.
At one point in the dressing room I just sat down pouting like a 5-year-old.
But all good pity parties must come to an end. I finally bucked up and found a suit I could tolerate. Because there is no suit that evokes a stronger emotion than that. When I found this tolerable suit, I bought it in two different colors. Because, you see, it may not happen again until the next solar eclipse.
So when you are out popping tags like I was, it will make it more fun if you
sing a little Thrift Shop.
But one lyric I will leave out?
"This is...awesome."
Not Macklemore's kind, but rather the bathing suit kind.
I don't mean I bought a bunch of bathing suits. I mean, I literally, popped tags.
I tried on a size 6, and apparently the force was too great and the tags shot off across the dressing room like a cannon- almost shooting into the next stall.
They didn't fall off- they fired off.
Remember those optical illusions where you stare at all the lines and your eyes play tricks on you. Well, why in the heck can't they make an optical illusion suit? And after seriously Googling it, I am clearly not the only one who has thought of it. People are trying this. We need a suit with lines going everywhere and if you look at it, it either creates the illusion of a tiny person or even perhaps just makes your eyes blur so much that you can't see anything.
I kind of want to do the Medusa route. I need to know that if people look at my suit they turn to stone. That way I don't have to spend my entire Birmingham summer in a suffocating coverup.
They've already tried the miracle suit. FAIL!!! It's like those little rubber monster toys you squeeze and the eyeballs pop out. The bathing suit squeezes you so tight that suddenly- whoops!!! Well...there you go. It's all got to be re-routed somewhere. Didn't even know I had armpit fat.
At one point I decided I would just wear a loose, airy dress, a floppy hat, and shades. If anyone wants me to swim I can just pretend I'm channeling Garbo and beg to be left alone. I also figure if people are drowning, I can still save them in a T-shirt and a tennis skirt as well as I could a bikini.
At one point in the dressing room I just sat down pouting like a 5-year-old.
But all good pity parties must come to an end. I finally bucked up and found a suit I could tolerate. Because there is no suit that evokes a stronger emotion than that. When I found this tolerable suit, I bought it in two different colors. Because, you see, it may not happen again until the next solar eclipse.
So when you are out popping tags like I was, it will make it more fun if you
sing a little Thrift Shop.
But one lyric I will leave out?
"This is...awesome."
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Summa...Summa...Summa...tiiiime.
Summer.
Summer always brings so many emotions for me. I am always excited for the lazy days and unplanned bursts of fun.
"Sure, we would love to come over and grill out and let the kids swim. Plans? No!!! Give us an hour and we will be there."
Trips to the lake. Trips to the beach. Days at the pool. All of us pilled up on the floor after a day of swimming, a slight chill to our skin from the sun as we cover ourselves with blankets and watch a movie- me usually drifting off to sleep as someone's hands are tangled in my chlorine-dampened hair. BLTs. Corn on the cob. Eating ice cream outside. Family bike rides. Gatherings with friends. Reading in the sun.
These are the parts of summer that I love.
But there are other parts. Boy, are there other parts. The screams from another room while I try to do laundry. Accusations of broken Legos, screaming, a noise, a retaliation noise, louder screaming. The result of too much togetherness and of shared space. Day after day. Sun up to sundown.
Remembering that these not-so-great moments are also a part of the summer almost makes me break in a cold sweat and want to look up that Pinterest pineapple martini recipe from a few weeks back.
There is something to be said for lack of schedule, but schedules do have their perks. Expectations are met. There is no, "I'm huuuuuuungry (whoops, is it already two o'clock?) whined through the foggy glass as I try to take my first shower in two days (doesn't chlorine count?)
And if I thought getting everyone to the bus on time was a feat, it pales in comparison to the "getting everyone out the door and to the pool with all the paraphernalia, SPF ready, without me screaming or someone having a meltdown of some sort."
And there isn't a whole lot of relaxing at the pool if you are outnumbered by your children. However, there are some pool rules that would help for sure. First of all there needs to be two pools. One for people who want to engage in water gun fire. Another pool for those who want to float on a raft and/or play with Barbies. There also needs to be a division in the pool of water gun fire for those who will cry when they are squirted in the face, even though they have been engaging in a full frontal attack of everyone in striking distance, and those who will not. In other words, what I'm trying to say here is simply this...there ain't a whole lot of relaxing for Mama at the pool.
I know the men picture us in our bathing suits and sunglasses and floppy hats slathering sunscreen on our kids while we eat grapes and talk about our next Bunco meeting.
But nobody's got time for that.
As summer approaches and I'm filled with both excitement and apprehension, I realize that somewhere in the midst of all of this end- of-the -year May craziness, I need a plan.
Not a laid out schedule or anything like that. After all, summer is summer! But maybe a summer- ish plan. A backup plan for when the Lego building hits the hardwood. A plan so that maybe I can go to the grocery store by myself once in a while. (Just step over me if you see me reading a People by the frozen food.) A plan for when we have all been a bit too "together." A plan for when someone takes issue with another simply looking at him. I need a backup plan for those times. What I really need is a Mary Poppins in my back pocket. But for now, I must develop a system. A summer generator for when the summer fun electricity goes out.
Everyone goes to his own room
and reads? A hidden movie they don't know about? A car ride to Sonic for a milk shake where everyone is strapped in and can't touch each other and the only way you get a ticket for the milkshake is if you don't speak the whole way there??? Who knows.
I am simply going to get hard at work developing a plan so that there are more "piled up on the floor watching a movie after a day of swimming" moments than there are "HE WON'T STOP COPYING MEEEEEEEE!" moments.
Please, other moms, or even people who are not moms but who happen to have brilliant ideas about this, share in the comments or on my Facebook page.
Moms need help!
Meanwhile, I will be working on my summer plan.
T minus 16 days and counting.
Or maybe I should just read outside in a floppy hat. It may be my only chance.
**********
Join us on Facebook at Stressed Moms' Cafe
Summer always brings so many emotions for me. I am always excited for the lazy days and unplanned bursts of fun.
"Sure, we would love to come over and grill out and let the kids swim. Plans? No!!! Give us an hour and we will be there."
Trips to the lake. Trips to the beach. Days at the pool. All of us pilled up on the floor after a day of swimming, a slight chill to our skin from the sun as we cover ourselves with blankets and watch a movie- me usually drifting off to sleep as someone's hands are tangled in my chlorine-dampened hair. BLTs. Corn on the cob. Eating ice cream outside. Family bike rides. Gatherings with friends. Reading in the sun.
These are the parts of summer that I love.
But there are other parts. Boy, are there other parts. The screams from another room while I try to do laundry. Accusations of broken Legos, screaming, a noise, a retaliation noise, louder screaming. The result of too much togetherness and of shared space. Day after day. Sun up to sundown.
Remembering that these not-so-great moments are also a part of the summer almost makes me break in a cold sweat and want to look up that Pinterest pineapple martini recipe from a few weeks back.
There is something to be said for lack of schedule, but schedules do have their perks. Expectations are met. There is no, "I'm huuuuuuungry (whoops, is it already two o'clock?) whined through the foggy glass as I try to take my first shower in two days (doesn't chlorine count?)
And if I thought getting everyone to the bus on time was a feat, it pales in comparison to the "getting everyone out the door and to the pool with all the paraphernalia, SPF ready, without me screaming or someone having a meltdown of some sort."
And there isn't a whole lot of relaxing at the pool if you are outnumbered by your children. However, there are some pool rules that would help for sure. First of all there needs to be two pools. One for people who want to engage in water gun fire. Another pool for those who want to float on a raft and/or play with Barbies. There also needs to be a division in the pool of water gun fire for those who will cry when they are squirted in the face, even though they have been engaging in a full frontal attack of everyone in striking distance, and those who will not. In other words, what I'm trying to say here is simply this...there ain't a whole lot of relaxing for Mama at the pool.
I know the men picture us in our bathing suits and sunglasses and floppy hats slathering sunscreen on our kids while we eat grapes and talk about our next Bunco meeting.
But nobody's got time for that.
As summer approaches and I'm filled with both excitement and apprehension, I realize that somewhere in the midst of all of this end- of-the -year May craziness, I need a plan.
Not a laid out schedule or anything like that. After all, summer is summer! But maybe a summer- ish plan. A backup plan for when the Lego building hits the hardwood. A plan so that maybe I can go to the grocery store by myself once in a while. (Just step over me if you see me reading a People by the frozen food.) A plan for when we have all been a bit too "together." A plan for when someone takes issue with another simply looking at him. I need a backup plan for those times. What I really need is a Mary Poppins in my back pocket. But for now, I must develop a system. A summer generator for when the summer fun electricity goes out.
Everyone goes to his own room
and reads? A hidden movie they don't know about? A car ride to Sonic for a milk shake where everyone is strapped in and can't touch each other and the only way you get a ticket for the milkshake is if you don't speak the whole way there??? Who knows.
I am simply going to get hard at work developing a plan so that there are more "piled up on the floor watching a movie after a day of swimming" moments than there are "HE WON'T STOP COPYING MEEEEEEEE!" moments.
Please, other moms, or even people who are not moms but who happen to have brilliant ideas about this, share in the comments or on my Facebook page.
Moms need help!
Meanwhile, I will be working on my summer plan.
T minus 16 days and counting.
Or maybe I should just read outside in a floppy hat. It may be my only chance.
**********
Join us on Facebook at Stressed Moms' Cafe
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)