All Systems Overloaded

Lately, I've been suffering from the too-muchness of things.

There have been too many choices, too much information, too much responsibility, too much knowledge, too much debate, and too much anger out there floating around.

Sometimes, I simply do not want to know all of the lesser known, obscure symptoms of a stroke, or how all of my dinner plates are killing me, or how toxic the shrimp from Thailand is, or that my granite countertops are emitting poisonous gas that may be slowly, over time, killing me in my sleep, or that my cell phone is giving me a tumor, or that I can either have a weed-free yard or risk leukemia. (So far I'm winning this battle with my husband, but our yard is beginning to get embarrassing, and I'm not sure I will look convincing this summer with my little squirt bottle of vinegar. He already said we are NOT ripping out our countertops.)

I have always been a worrier. Lots of us are. And one year in my twenties when I found myself under a lot of stress, I became quite the hypochondriac for a while. I even convinced myself that I had some rare disease. I literally worried about it so much that I began actually having symptoms. I convinced my mom to call a medical hotline and was astounded to discover not only was it rare, but apparently found in Jewish men over 40.

My bad.

And by the way, I wonder how many people Google Internet searching has killed? THAT'S the statistic we need to be hearing about!

And my heart truly does go out to every single person whose sad story is posted on social media, but I find myself reading the status of someone who has suffered a horrible catastrophe, someone I didn't even know existed until 12:30 am when I probably should be in REM stage sleep or at least not have myself worked up into a nervous wreck.

I realize some of us walk around out there in this world a bit more peeled. I say peeled because the word "sensitive" sounds weak. And people who are peeled are ANYTHING but weak. We may be exhausted from taking on the world's problems, but we are strong and scrappy. Think about those little clementines they call "Cuties." Some of us out there don't have a peel. We are a bit more sensitive to words, suggestions, stressors. And it. Can. Be. Exhausting.

Here is an example. When I was a kid, one of my favorite things was going to my great-aunt and uncle's in Virginia every Christmas. It was always perfect.

But one year I was a basket case. Apparently they were expecting a piece of a satellite to crash to the earth. I'm sure no one else worried about this with the astronomical odds in favor of it not ending in catastrophe. It would more than likely land in an ocean or a field somewhere.

But not me. No sir. With every fiber of my being, I knew that sucker was going to come crashing through that roof in Winchester, Virginia, and totally take me out. And possibly before I could even see what Santa brought.

It would have been nice if I hadn't read about it in the paper, but that's just life sometimes.

But now, NOW, that we live in the information age, we get to read and hear about 20 things a DAY that could kill us, negatively impact us, or make us miserable. We get to hear about how all the things we are doing are wrong, and also hear about the things we should be doing. We don't even have to seek these things out. They find us. We could be typing an email and BAM!!! "Have you bought this type of wood in the past five years, blah, blah, blah?" "

I still have to cover my ears and run from the room when an ASPCA commercial comes on.

Last night my youngest had apparently seen something on the news where a woman ran down a police officer in her car. He looked at me and said, "I thought people were nice?"

Ouch.

Now, it would be hypocritical of me not to say that I used to be a part of the lovely media. I was a newspaper reporter. And I LOVED it. I got my college degree to go into law enforcement, so I like to think that as a reporter, I had a bit of a different perspective. You were never going to find me asking offensive, rude, and insensitive questions, and I didn't. But I digress. I just didn't want to seem hypocritical as I point out how much all of this CONSTANT information can't be good.

I do totally believe it's our right to know what is going on in the world around us. But I also think that being informed and being bombarded are two very different things. Lately things are just too much. Way too much.

And the guilt floating around out there!!! Yes, I DO love Jesus, and I support domestic abuse victims, and I think recycling is good, but no I am NOT going to make that my profile picture for an hour, because that is just ONE. MORE. THING. And then if I do it once, then I have to do it for all of them because if I don't then it seems like I support everything BUT that. IT'S A SLIPPERY SLOPE.

And NOOOOOO!!!!!!! I will NEVER play Candy Crush!

And NO, I will NOT just answer a few questions in your phone survey because apparently I can't even manage to find time to do squats every day so I can fit into my old jeans.

And then? The sink holes.

For the love...

I just don't know.

Scene From a Mexican Restaurant

The whole thing was bizarre. It sounds crazy, yet what I felt was real.

I had just been at a school event with my child in which we were working
a candy dig booth where each child used a shovel to dig for candy through a mysterious hole in a board where they couldn't exactly see all the yummy treasures they were acquiring. As the kids were dismissed from school, we were in the lunch room with hoards of frenzied hungry kids with money to spend. It was loud and it was hot. Did I mention it was loud AND hot?

After that I had to hurriedly help clean up and my husband took both of the boys with him to a baseball lesson for the oldest. We were to all meet afterwards at the Mexican restaurant.
I arrived at the restaurant alone, not realizing I would be waiting almost a full hour before they made it there. I was seated in a booth and I ordered a cold drink to quench my thirst as I waited.

Normally, in a situation like this, I would have called my husband to see what time they were meeting me, or while sitting there all alone, I would have naturally used my phone to entertain myself, a little Facebook or Words With Friends as a distraction to pass time. Why not? I was alone and had nothing but time and no one sitting with me to talk to. But when I reached for my phone it was completely dead. I didn't even have a way of checking to see how long I would be waiting for my family. I was stuck just sitting there by myself, waiting for an unspecific time, with nothing to do to pass the time. Just me in a dim but busy restaurant with my cold drink and my thoughts.

This is when things got strange. At first I noticed all of the conversations going on around me. Not in a stalkerish eavesdropping way, but more in a happy background noise type way. My hearing seemed more keen, my breathing seemed deeper, and I began noticing all the things around me. It's like all of my senses were on high alert, but not in a loud annoying way, but in an intensely aware and relaxing way.

I began noticing all the different colors in the room. The deep colors of the lights. Their bumpy texture. I felt like I was breathing deeper than before, like my lungs were finally at full capacity.

This may sound nuts, but it felt like perhaps for the first time in my life I was meditating. Accidentally meditating, but meditating nevertheless. When do we ever sit by ourselves for an hour without something keeping us occupied? We always have a to-do list or a television or phone or book or SOMETHING. When do we EVER sit for an HOUR and do absolutely nothing?

And then it hit me. Is this what we are now missing? Is this what our electronic devices and constant need to be engaged are stealing from us? Are they stealing our ability to just be?

Yes, they are. They absolutely are. We don't know how to just be anymore. How to sit and absorb everything around us. Think about how back in the old days the men would sit on the courthouse steps and just be on a lazy summer afternoon. That doesn't happen anymore. We are slowly but surely becoming robots, mere shells of the seeing, feeling, and absorbing humans we are meant to be. Because I know one thing, if there is beauty to be found inside a busy restaurant, imagine all the other things we are missing? Are we fully absorbing all the sounds and smells and things to see around us? Or are we constantly "on call," at the mercy of every text ding and message sent with frantic pace our way.

This experience at the most unlikely of places caused me to wake up. Figuratively and literally.

I searched the bookstore, one of the best places I know to fully absorb, and I found a little treasure of a book which is exactly what I was looking for. It is Hands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford.

One of the first quotes in the book is by Dale Carnegie-

"One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon~instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today."

That Dale Carnegie was a smart guy.

I knew the book was going to be a winner, and it is. It will absolutely change your life.

I encourage everyone to read this book.

My first step is going to be making sure I am distraction free from the moment the boys get home until they go to bed. They will not remember me being distracted, they will remember my attention.

Now, does this mean that I will ignore a text before baseball changing
practice locations? Or course not. Does that mean I won't EVER take a quick picture of my child in his first baseball game of the year and quickly post it for some friends and family to share that moment? No.

But a necessary notification or a quick picture of a meaningful moment and mindless time consuming absorption are two different things.

I invite everyone to read Hands Free Mama with me. I really think it is going to be a life changer.

And please share any stories or moments you experience along the way.

Change is always more fun and easier with friends.