Same Old Rules

Okay, here is the thing....

The 40s does something to you. It's sort of like someone reaches into your brain, scoops it out, and remolds it. Your thinking totally changes and so does your perspective.

Suddenly, all of the little things that were important to you, aren't anymore. And what is truly important becomes crystal clear. Also, you simply won't tolerate so many of the things you once tolerated.

Surprisingly enough, most of the things are things I learned on the playground. It's just that now it's an adult playground, and the rules have changed a little, but the principles are still the same.

Here are a few rules I have RE-learned at 40...

Think for yourself.

This one I have found to be a really big one.

Of course we are always told to form our own opinions and not to listen to others, but sometimes it's easy to lose sight of that.

We are always told there are two sides to every story, yet I have been ashamed at how many times, as an adult, I have heard things through the grapevine, formed opinions from that, only to find out later- sometimes years later- that my opinions were wrong, that what I heard was told to me out of context, and the other side to the story- the side I never heard- was, in fact, the accurate side.

Sometimes those who are the loudest are telling you the wrong or incomplete side. Sometimes the person with the correct version is the one trying to rise above, be the bigger person, and not spread the gossip.

This is something I didn't fully
get at 30, but finally get at 4O.
It's definitely something to think about the next time you 'hear' something.

And here is when I reluctantly admit something. So I watched that new trash show the other night- Pretty Wicked Moms. And yes, it is exactly the train wreck I expected it to be. And yes, I am very ashamed that I am afraid I am likely going to watch it again. No, I am not proud of the fact that by watching it, I am, in a way, supporting it. But, darn, if it isn't a GREAT way to feel better about yourself. You will suddenly feel like the best mom, wife, and friend in the world. And that show leads me to my next point..

Bullies.

Another thing we are told as kids is to stand up to bullies. Everything on the school playground is often black or white. Physical aggression, taking lunch money, getting punched in the mouth. It's pretty easy to spot.

But, adult bullying can be more subtle. And this trash show is a great example of this. Adult bullying can be through rolled eyes, picking someone apart, on and on and on. There is just no room for mean people or drama. Just imagine how much a grim diagnosis at a doctor's office would put this into perspective. Imagine how many petty differences wouldn't even register anymore? Once again, I really am ashamed to have watched this total trash show, but in some ways it really makes you take notice.

And Facebook. Our poor children. When we were in school, at least if you weren't invited to something, you either didn't find out about it or you heard about it, in private, at some point down the road. Now, you find out, in print, with pictures included, for thousands to find out about as well.

It really does break my heart for our children. Can you imagine going through high school seeing every single thing out there? Not only did that guy dump you before the prom, but now you get to see pictures 24 hours later of them kissing on the dance floor and how great she looked in her dress. BLECH.

Thank goodness social media wasn't around in the 90s. I know of one fraternity contest where I totally dressed the part and lip synched to Rico Suave. That, alone, on social media could have driven me into permanent seclusion.

And last, but not least, your 40s also re-teaches you to be yourself. Of course I have always known this, but now it's fully understood, fully breathed, and fully lived.

If you love paisley but hate chevron, by all means wear it. In fact, I have found now that if something becomes too popular, I automatically don't like it anymore. What a difference from my younger years! You can't stand the political candidate your friends all like? So what. Don't conform. Ever. Only when you you are truly yourself will you ever know who your friends really are.

And finally, intuition. There is hardly ever a time when your intuition about people or situations isn't dead accurate. I didn't trust my intuition as much when I was younger, which is exactly why my date to the school dance pulled off using the same tux to take me and another girl to our school dances in different towns on back-to-back nights. Seriously.

Intuition about people and situations is brilliant and hardly ever wrong. Listen to it.

All of these things I've known my whole life. But it's sort of like looking through smudged glass that has suddenly been Windexed. (New word) Your 40s allows you to see it all more clearly and understand it all more deeply.

And for a few more wrinkles, that's not really a bad trade off.