Open Apology to the Applebee's Mom

      Today there was a teeny tiny, microscopic, miniscule, obscure, hidden molecular part of me that almost...ALMOST...bought Lego earrings. Sadly, I am not kidding.
     I was at a Brick Convention with my husband and two boys, and it was hard not to get swept up in the Lego frenzy. My husband had a perpetual grin on his face which I suspect was due to the fact that I was unabashedly embracing my inner nerd. Toward the end of the event, near the door, I saw that they had even found a way to sneak in a little Lego for the ladies.
     Thank GOODNESS I didn't do it. If I had, some Pajama Jeans, a Snuggie, a Banana Clip, and a Fanny Pack are the only things that would have completed the ensemble.
     Thankfully, I know a team of very hip, trendy, with-it moms who I KNOW would have organized an intervention. These also happen to be the same moms who bought me margaritas for my birthday and then made me bikini shop, but I have learned to forgive. Thankfully their intervention didn't end up being necessary, but the fact that it even entered my mind is extremely scary to me.
     It all brings to mind a very specific event that occurred before I ever had children. Of COURSE it was before I had children because if it hadn't been I wouldn't have even THOUGHT the things I was thinking. We all talk really big before we have kids. We would never wear THAT, or let our kids do THAT. We all do it. And we were all stupid. One of my favorite "Mom" books is titled, "I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids." Yep, that pretty much sums it up.
     I remember how I was sitting with my husband at Applebee's after church one Sunday when a couple and their two children walked in and took their seats. The man was handsome, with a button-down shirt and khaki pants. The boys were handsome as well, in their little polo shirts, with stylish haircuts and cute mischievious grins. The mom, however...well, THAT was another story. We have all used the phrase, "looked like she rolled out of bed." Well, I really think she might have. Her haircut was outdated and looked like it hadn't been brushed in a week. My memory is a little hazy now, but I think she was wearing a sweatshirt and wrinkled pants. She had no make-up, and basically just looked like she didn't give a rip how she looked at all. I remember telling my husband that that would NEVER happen to me when I had children. Here she was with this handsome man and beautiful children and she just didn't even CARE anymore. She had flat given up!!! I was appalled.
     Well, here goes. On behalf of my younger self, I would like to apologize to that woman-- wherever she may be. I now know...SHE LOOKED LIKE THAT BECAUSE SHE WAS TOO BUSY TAKING CARE OF EVERYONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     I remember right after my first child was born, I was exhausted but somehow managing to shop in a popular boutique. I don't remember what I was wearing, I think because my subconscious has blocked it out so that I can now move forward and lead a normal life. But I do remember that I had spit up on me and was too tired to care or make the effort to just wait and try to go back to the boutique the next day. At the time, getting out of the house might have been a once-in-a-lifetime thing. I recall meandering around the store when I saw her...Super Mom. She was not only pretty, but THIN...ugh. She was also wearing cute clothes, had manicured nails, and looked well rested. Her toddler, who had bouncy curls and a pricey outfit, wanted a snack. Before I could bat an eye, the child's mother plunged her OPI-fied hand into her purse (Coach, I'm sure) and pulled out a Ziploc bag with a snack inside. The mom was prepared, and the snack was a healthy one. At that moment I was sure of two things, one--she was on drugs, two--I wanted to kill her.

     I'm kidding of course...sort of. But I was, and remain, very, VERY skeptical of moms who seem to have it all together, all of the time. I don't fully trust them. Behind the scenes I wonder if their mouths are smeared with bright red lipstick while they scream about no more wire hangers...although we have all had those moments as well:)

     I guess what I am saying is that when we become mothers, sometimes our preconceived notions of what we will and what we will not do, change...a lot. I know for a fact that there are tons of you who swore otherwise, out there totally digging the convenience of your swagger wagons. And I happen to be sitting here typing this in a baseball mom T-shirt. Yep, and I wear it to games too.

     I also confess that there are times after I get my hair cut, colored, and blown out, that I run errands all over town in hopes that someone, ANYONE, will see me and know that my hair can in fact look good when someone else fixes it. But unfortunately those are the times I see no one. BUT, put me in sweats with no shower all day, no makeup, my husband's dark dress socks on with a white pair of tennis shoes, and I see enough people to think I'm on an episode of "This is Your Life." 

     This doesn't mean I've given up on cute outfits or fixing my hair. And there are still even date nights where I see glimpses of my former self. It simply means that as busy, exhausted moms, well, we just can't be on top of our game all of the time. We may have our fabulous moments, or heck, maybe even fabulous weeks, but we also have our weeks when the kids have projectile vomiting and our husband is in D.C. Those are the times we don't need people closely inspecting our armpits or noticing the waistband of our pants is held together with a rubberband.

     Motherhood can be a battlefield, and sometimes those front lines aren't pretty.

     So to the mom at Applebee's nine years ago, I deeply apologize. You did not look frumpy. I now know that you were beautiful. Beautiful because you were taking care of your family. And right now, wherever you are, I hope your time has come. I hope you are rocking a cute pair of jeans and a blowout fresh from the best salon. Because you deserve it.

     In fact, every once in a while, we all do.