One More Day

This isn't like my usual posts, but for some reason I feel the need to write about it.

Just today, there were reports that a person well-known in the Auburn University community is on life- support because of a possible self-inflicted gunshot wound. We hear about suicide and suicide attempts more often than we should, and we all know that unfortunately it happens way too often. And of course it should NEVER happen.

But what makes this different, other than the fact that my husband personally knew this person, is the fact that he was KNOWN for being happy. He was known for his faith. He was known for lifting people up. You always hear people say it, but he is literally one of the last people you would ever expect to get to that point.

Which just goes to show, we never, NEVER know what people are going through inside. Sometimes, in fact, MANY times, those who seem the absolute happiest are the ones struggling the most. To many, being happy and bubbly is a mask to hide a very deep hurt. Think about all of the comedians who we come to later find out are actually some of the saddest and most depressed among us.

One of the things that always upsets me so much when I hear about suicide is the thought, "What if he or she had just waited one more day? ONE. MORE. DAY."

Surely something would have changed. Think about all of the times in your life that you have felt at your breaking point and then think about what a difference one day could make. One walk outside. One talk with a good friend. One heartfelt prayer. One good night's sleep. Just one...SOMETHING.

I'm not suggesting that a walk or kind words or rest could alleviate deep depression. That notion would be ridiculous. However, I still always wonder if maybe one more day would have changed their perspective, just enough. Maybe they would decide to seek therapy. Maybe decide to go talk to a pastor. Anything.

After all, our feelings of desperation can be so volatile. What seems impossible in one moment, may seem possible the next.

I think I heard somewhere that if someone were standing on the edge of a building preparing to jump and you tried to push that person, he would hang on for dear life. We would naturally fight to survive. Self-preservation is our strongest instinct.

I don't think anyone really wants to die. What they truly want is the pain and suffering to end, and sadly they reach a point mentally where they see no way out.

And what is so sad is that there are so many ways out. So. Many. Ways.

They say that suicide is the most selfish thing a person can do. And, really, it is. Nothing can devastate a family, friends, or a community more. But I have never believed that people who have reached the point of taking their own lives are thinking about anything or anyone other than escaping the pain. It IS a selfish act, and there is nothing, absolutely NOTHING that could hurt a family more. But in the moment, in THAT moment,  I don't think they are BEING selfish. They are DOING selfish, but not BEING selfish. They aren't capable of being selfish when they are SO broken, so mentally ill.

Usually when someone takes his life, we question if there is anything we could have done. Is there something we could have said? Something we could have done? But honestly, when someone is to that point, when someone is THAT broken, that person has to save himself. That person has to dig deep inside and come up with something, even if it's mustard seed in size, but something small within that still has hope. And then that person must use that mustard seed of hope and every fiber of inner strength to focus on that hope and let it grow bigger.

Which leads back to my earlier question...what if he had waited one more day? Just one more?

It also makes me stop and think about all of these children being bullied all around the world. It makes me think about the hurt and deep scars the bullying is causing. Not all victims speak up. Not all victims seem sad.

Once again, this man I was speaking of earlier was KNOWN for being happy.

If you stop and think, it really makes you want to be nice to everyone you meet, for you truly have no idea what pain they are struggling with inside.

My hope is that those out there who are struggling, wanting to escape some sort of pain...I hope they never get to the point where they are so hopeless that they see no way out. There is always a way out. And tomorrow can bring hope.

Just one more day can make all the difference.